The technical term for seeking the approval of others is “approval-seeking behaviour.” This term is often used in psychology and social sciences to describe the tendency of individuals to seek validation, acceptance, or positive feedback from others in order to boost their self-esteem or reduce feelings of insecurity. Approval-seeking behaviour can manifest in various ways, such as constantly seeking reassurance, conforming to societal expectations, or avoiding actions that might lead to disapproval.
It is a common human behaviour and can be influenced by various factors such as personality traits, cultural norms, and social conditioning. However, excessive or compulsive approval-seeking behaviour can be associated with certain psychological conditions or disorders.
Individuals with low self-esteem or insecurity may engage in excessive approval-seeking behaviour as a way to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy. In some cases, this behaviour can be a symptom of conditions such as social anxiety disorder or dependent personality disorder. If the approval-seeking behaviour becomes pervasive, distressing, and significantly interferes with an individual’s functioning and well-being then help may be required.
Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst
Jung emphasised the importance of individuation, which is the process of integrating and developing the different aspects of one’s personality to achieve wholeness and self-realisation. He believed that individuals often seek external validation and conform to societal expectations because they have not fully individuated or become aware of their true selves.
Jung also introduced the concept of the “persona,” which refers to the social mask or role that individuals adopt to present themselves to others. The persona is often influenced by societal expectations and can lead individuals to seek approval or conform to social norms in order to maintain a positive image.
When children exhibit the behaviour?
Children may exhibit approval-seeking behaviour for various reasons, including:
- Developmental stage:
During childhood, children are still developing their sense of self and identity. They often look to others, particularly their parents or caregivers, for validation and approval as they navigate the world and seek to understand themselves. - Need for love and acceptance: Children have a fundamental need for love, acceptance, and belonging. Seeking approval from others, especially significant adults in their lives, can be a way for children to fulfil these emotional needs and feel secure in their relationships.
- Reinforcement:
Children quickly learn that certain behaviours or actions receive positive attention, praise, or rewards from others. They may engage in approval-seeking behaviour as a way to elicit positive responses and gain recognition or affirmation from adults or peers. - Social comparison:
Children naturally compare themselves to others, particularly their peers. They may seek approval to fit in, be accepted, or avoid feelings of exclusion or rejection. The desire to be liked and valued by their peers can be a strong motivator for approval-seeking behaviour. - Parental or societal influence:
Children are influenced by the attitudes, values, and expectations of their parents, caregivers, and the broader social environment. If they perceive that their worth is linked to meeting certain expectations or standards set by others, they may engage in approval-seeking behaviour to meet those expectations and gain validation. - Self-esteem and confidence:
Children with low self-esteem or feelings of insecurity may seek approval from others as a way to boost their self-confidence. By receiving positive feedback or recognition, they may temporarily alleviate their self-doubt and feel more validated and valued.
Children can learn that approval-seeking behaviour can be a tool for manipulation. They may observe that by seeking approval or presenting themselves in a certain way, they can influence the behaviour or responses of others. Children are highly perceptive and learn from their experiences and interactions with the people around them.
If a child realises that engaging in approval-seeking behaviour, such as excessive flattery, compliance, or seeking constant validation, leads to getting their way or receiving preferential treatment, they may continue to employ these tactics as a form of manipulation.
It’s important for parents, caregivers, and educators to provide guidance and set appropriate boundaries to help children understand healthy ways of relating to others. Teaching children about empathy, respect, and honest communication can foster positive social skills and discourage manipulative behaviours. By promoting a supportive and transparent environment, adults can help children develop authentic and respectful relationships, rather than resorting to manipulative tactics for personal gain.
Parents, school teachers and authority figures
Authorities or positions of authority may demand or encourage approval-seeking behaviour from individuals. Authorities often hold power, influence, or control over others, and their expectations or judgements can carry significant weight.
Here are a few examples of how authorities may contribute to the demand for approval-seeking behaviour:
- Hierarchical structures:
Within hierarchical organisations or institutions, individuals may feel compelled to seek approval from their superiors or those in positions of authority. This can include seeking approval for decisions, actions, or performance evaluations in order to gain recognition, promotions, or other forms of advancement. - Compliance with rules and regulations:
Authorities often set rules, regulations, or standards that individuals are expected to adhere to. Seeking approval in the form of compliance becomes necessary to avoid penalties, sanctions, or negative consequences. This can include seeking approval from law enforcement, regulatory bodies, or other supervisory entities. - Social or political systems:
Societies or political systems may have established authorities, such as government officials or leaders, who set policies or laws. Individuals may feel compelled to seek approval from these authorities or conform to their expectations in order to maintain social order, avoid punishment, or receive certain benefits. - Professional or educational settings:
In professional or educational settings, individuals may be required to seek approval from authority figures such as supervisors, professors, or evaluators. This can include seeking approval for project proposals, research papers, job applications, or other forms of assessment.
While some level of compliance or seeking approval may be necessary and appropriate in certain contexts, it is important to maintain a healthy balance. Authorities should promote an environment that encourages critical thinking, independent decision-making, and constructive feedback rather than fostering excessive approval-seeking behaviour that stifles individual autonomy or creativity. Similarly, individuals should also be encouraged to develop their own values, beliefs, and voices rather than solely seeking validation from authorities.
Praise machines
I’ve observed some parents who behave like praise machines with their children to the point where the child is unable to be creative unless the possibility for praise is present. By laying off the condescending praise and providing encouragement and tools for creativity then children can blossom, become self reliant and actually progress along a path of self discovery through their chosen activities.
Society
In many societies, there are implicit or explicit expectations about how individuals should behave, look, or achieve certain milestones. This can include conforming to specific roles, adhering to cultural or religious customs, meeting academic or professional expectations, or even conforming to certain beauty standards. When individuals deviate from these norms or fail to meet the expectations, they may face criticism, judgement, or exclusion leading to low self esteem and marginalisation.
Ironically, it is those who deviate from the norm, and do not seek the approval of the status quo, that often become the way showers and greatest contributors to humanity.